Monday

I'm angry with Monday. I've given Monday a fair shot. While the world laments the back to routine, weekend is over Mondays, I have embraced them. Our little world quiets down. We start our week after a fun weekend. We slow down. It's nice.

But yesterday. Yesterday Monday threw me for a loop. I hurt my back this weekend. Pretty badly. It involved a lot of crawling due to an inability to be upright. I got in to see my chiropractor right away Monday, thinking we could get it taken care of in a few visits. Not able to seriously entertain the thought that it would hamper my life and, more specifically, my running too much.

Then Dr. Christine said she thought it was disk related and that she could not treat it normally due to my pregnancy. In addition to not being able to lift anything over 10 pounds or bend at more than a 30 degree angle, I can't run. She's hoping it's just an irritated disk and not bulging or herniated, but the inflammation and muscle spasms were so bad she couldn't get a great read on the problem. I go back in Wednesday and we'll know more then. She said she hoped I could run again while pregnant, but we'd have to wait and see. But, truthfully, I stopped listening, stopped functioning, after she said no running.

I'm in pity party for one mode. Well, two if you count Cuatro. I know this doesn't make me immune to problems or injuries, but I have done everything right. I stayed active through my 24 weeks (so far) of pregnancy. I increased strength training so I'd have the strength to accommodate my changing body. I started prenatal yoga to keep things aligned and healthy. I decreased mileage and pace as I listened to my body. And really, really, I thought all of my junky, bad, negative running mojo was used up last year. I thought maybe, just maybe, I'd get a pass for one year. And now I don't think I did and I'm bitter.

Bitter that running, this important part of my mental, social, and physical life will probably have to be put on hold. Bitter that this is the second year in a row I've had to walk (hobble and limp?) away from a job that I love and that fits me like a glove. Bitter that I have to leave my boss and friend trying to fill my spot. Bitter that my body won't do what I want it to do. Bitter that this spiritual and mental outlet is being taken away from me. Bitter.

Thankfully, I am not so bitter and self-centered to think this is the end of the world. Monday also brought lovely surprises. Audrey, decked out in her purple cast and one ballet shoe, decided to try to dance with her dance class in hopes that she can participate in the recital. I watched that brave, beautiful girl dance and twirl when she could, shuffle around when she couldn't, and smile the entire time. I was so proud of her and her strength and determination. I thought back to a few months ago when she cried every night and felt so unsure about every little thing in her life. And I see her now and she isn't. She hopes to do the recital in a cast if necessary. She plans on grabbing that joy right where it meets her.

I'm sure I'll do the same in the next few days. But right now I'm reeling. And bitter. And really, really, really sad.

weekend

Musicals, bike rides, park fun, family fun, fun with neighbors, as much time outside as physically possible. We, here in the arctic tundra, are ignoring the forecast past tomorrow and enjoying the sunshine and warm temperatures. We're feeling pretty happy that our crazy spring happened to fall on a weekend.

24 weeks pregnant.

brave or stupid to post these? Still deciding.

hiding the baby bump

snuggling the baby bump

How far along: 24 weeks

Total weight gain: find out at my next appt. May 1

Maternity clothes?: No. Tried on some maternity shirts and the bump doesn't quite fill them out so it just looks weird. Guess I'll keep wearing my regular shirts for a while longer.

Stretch marks?: No.

Sleep: Much better.

Best moment of the week: I can tell baby is growing and getting stronger because now I can feel movement in two places at once, usually side of belly and bottom of belly. The other night baby would poke the side of my tummy and I'd poke back, then it would move to the bottom of my tummy so I'd poke there and it'd go back to the side. First "game" with baby. Being woken up in the middle of the night by baby movement. Audrey running up and poking my tummy and talking to Cuatro. Warm weather reminding me that this baby will be here in no time. Talking with the kids about the more the baby grows, the more the belly grows. We all got a good laugh out of that. I'm really just enjoying this surprise season of baby growing!

Miss anything: No complaints.

Movement: Yes. I loooooovvvvveeee it.

Cravings: Still veggie wraps and grapes. Weird, I know. Plus I'd love chips, but we don't keep any at home so I haven't had them. Good thing or I'd eat them all. I did eat more than my fair share of holly dolly bars.

Anything make you queasy or sick: Sensitive to some smells. Got sick from a yoga move this week. Again, weird.

How are you feeling overall: Bigger, but great.

Have you started to show: Baggy sweatshirts still kind of hide the bump. People I haven't seen in a while or didn't know before from Moms on the Run were surprised to find out I was pregnant. But people that know me see the bump right away.

Gender: OK. I do think Cuatro is a girl. And we are in talks about two boy names so this kid just might get a name either way. That would be a good thing.

Labor signs: Nope.

Looking forward to:  My appointment May 1. Getting some more projects done to get ready for baby. More nudges from baby. Spring!!

I love nine.

Nine year olds, well, my nine year old in particular, just rock my socks off. I love the conversations, the observations, the humor. I love watching him grow into himself while still being a wonder-filled, curious, sky is the limit kid. It is just something else. Something really special that I didn't know to expect and couldn't have explained beforehand. In fact, I'm not doing it much justice here and I'm living it.

Isaac and I read books and discuss them. He is curious about things like WWII and proper care of turtles and the flags of the world. He is obsessed with vehicles and balls. He makes these wry observations on life that leave us in stitches. For example, we were having lunch yesterday and Elliot was feeling a bit dramatic. As in eyes rolled into the back of his head, head lolling onto his shoulder, deep, put-upon by life sigh, and whining. Drama. This drama was in regards to the CHEESE on his QUESAdilla. So, as you can tell, it was pretty serious business worthy of some serious drama. (No it wasn't, but tell that to a 4-year-old.) He went on for a while and I finally said, "Wow, maybe we should put you into a drama class." Isaac didn't miss a beat and wryly responded, "Or maybe a behavior class." I busted out laughing at that hilarious observation before reminding him that he was 4 once, too, so what he is seeing now, he used to be doing. It was great. And his comedic timing was impeccable.

Also, Isaac added "visit Missouri" to our 100 super things to do this summer poster. When I asked him how he came up with Missouri he said it's because he's never really been in the plains and he assumes it's got plains because it's near Nebraska. Plus, since we want to visit all the states before he graduates, we could mark that one off and it's not too far so it wouldn't take us a long time to get there. That's my logical, think it through kid right there.

We took our first run of the spring together. 2.2 fantastic miles. Running with my kids is one of my all-time favorite things to do. The miles, the sunshine, the easy conversation. Perfection.

hooping it up

practicing for kid pitch

drooling over and memorizing the stats on cars

I love nine for so many reasons, but the biggest reason is because my biggest kid is nine and he's pretty much the cat's meow. I just love that boy!

Today

Let it be known that the vanWestrienens are an outdoor people and we have sorely missed the whack of a baseball hitting the glove, sidewalk chalk handprints on our pants, the dribble of basketball on driveway, and the whir of the bike wheels. Audrey  watched Elliot bike for a while before working up the nerve to ask if she could scooter. It is wonderful to see her take those risks.

We have missed the sunshine and the grass all the fun that comes with them. Therefore, we took advantage of today's loveliness and did a little bit of many of our favorite things. We welcome you with open arms, spring. Oh, how we've missed you!

 

100 Super Things to do this Summer (although we're up to 103 so far)

We've got big plans for this summer. Oh yes we do. It's our last summer for a while free of naptimes and nursing stops and strollers so we plan on taking full advantage. Of course, DeNae and plans are generally a joke in the making so we'll see what we actually get accomplished, but we will have a lot of fun and make wonderul memories along the way. I am posting our list here and then I'll blog as we cross items off of our list. Can't wait!

We have already done some of the things on the list, but some will be brand new for our family. The kids and I spent part of an afternoon brainstorming and I think they came up with some really fun ideas. Everyone picked outdoor and indoor activities as well as something they'd like to learn about. We've already signed up for a nature class in May where the kids will learn about birds so let the adventures begin!

I'll also correct the spelling of things like ho made salsa so we can concentrate on the list instead of giggling the entire time. Or maybe I'm the only grown woman who laughs at 12 year old humor. Sue me, why don't ya?

1-Triathlon
2-Swim at beach
3-Oliver H. Kelly Farm
4-Go to zoo
5-Fireworks on 4th of July
6-VBS
7-Water gun fight
8-Farmer's market
9-Science project day
10-Watch clouds
11-Card game marathon
12-Make peach cobbler
13-Build a sandcastle
14-Dance in the rain
15-Learn three bird calls
16-Grow a garden
17-Picnic
18-Cold watermelon on a hot day
19-Hike
20-Homemade salsa
21-Make strawberry shortcake
22-Fly kites
23-Catch frogs
24-Build fort
25-Visit a museum
26-Learn about flags
27-Mill City Museum
28-Homemade ice cream sandwiches
29-Take family photo at beach with Cuatro (Isaac's idea. . . <3 p="">30-Make mud pies
31-Vacuum the car
32-Make a windsock
33-Family bike ride
34-Make summer music CD
35-Night time nature walk
36-See a parade
37-Slip n slide
38-Get ready for baby (Audrey's idea)
39-Get boy and girl take home outfit-must be really cute (Again, Audrey's idea)
40-Rainy pj day
41-Invent a game
42-Bike to Carol's for breakfast
43-Waterpark
44-Learn about birds
45-Visit Fort Snelling
46-Nature hunt for birds' nests
47-Visit a new ice cream shop
48-Walk around lakes in Minneapolis
49-Visit independent kids' bookstore for story hour
50-Fur trade company
51-Cousin sleepover
52-Have concert for grown-ups
53-Learn about WWII
54-Family soccer game
55-Play at a new park
56-Farkle marathon
57-Visit State Park
58-Watch a baseball game
59-Plan summer Olympics for friends
60-Race homemade boats
61-Homemade playdough
62-Nature walk, add to nature museum
63-Family fishing day
64-Climb a tree
65-Star gaze
66-Family game night
67-Host a barbeque
68-Watermelon seed spitting contest
69-Play croquet
70-Rainy day bowling
71-Play in the sprinkler
72-Homemade lemonade
73-Read "The Cricket in Times Square" together
74-Musical production camp at church
75-Visit Black Hills
76-Water balloon fight
77-Make BLTs
78-Plan a craft day
79-Mini golf
80-Grill peaches
81-Volunteer at Feed My Starving Child
82-Sidewalk chalk mural
83-Frisbee golf
84-Host ice cream sundae party
85-Playdate with friends
86-See a water ski show
87-Create a new recipe
88-Do Shawn Silvera
89-Cheer at a race
90-Family run
91-Canoe ride
92-Write a summer poem
93-Race paper airplanes outside
94-Homemade pretzels
95-Crab walk race
96-Treasure hunt
97-Make s'mores
98-Camp out
99-Homemade cookies
100-Family movie night
101-Visit Missouri
102-Visit Travers Des Sioux
103-Make a flag for Antarctica

school days

This year has been a banner year for schooling. There have been hiccups in the form of first trimester pregnancy exhaustion, a broken leg that required some changes, and general life stuff, but we are bustling along, cranking out our work, learning lots, and having fun. We'll be done with most of our books well ahead of schedule and will need a little extra time to finish history and science. We'll continue reviewing math and reading throughout the summer, but we don't add new curriculum. I just want to keep it fresh.

When I look back on this year, I hope I remember how smoothly it went. How eager the kids were. How few tantrums were thrown. How frustrations were (usually) dealt with easily. Of course, any teacher, at home or in a traditional school, will tell you there are moments, but overall, it has exceeded my expectations. I was a little worried about Elliot adjusting to Audrey being busy with school so much more. I wondered how I'd fit everything in. Thankfully, it just kind of worked. We tweaked things as necessary, like adding more 10 minute breaks into our day and finishing a little later.

I'm also embracing the notion that there is so much more to learn besides what is written in our books. Chores are learning and exploring maps is learning. Making breakfast and car shopping are learning experiences. So, we are doing just great with our books, but I'm also intentionally using our moments as lessons.

Yes, I'd say it's been a great year.

following the time zone lines

all the way to the tippy top!

I'm so happy to have my sous chef back, now that she has her short cast.
 

Isaac had to get a picture in this sweet red convertible. He learned so much about cars and how they work while we car shopped.

 I am so happy to share this time of living and learning with my kiddos.

To lighten it up

I am going on record with a gender prediction. Which doesn't actually mean much since I am pretty bad at predicting boy or girl with any accuracy.

But, I looked at myself in the mirror today and checked out the baby belly and thought, "There's a girl growing in there."

So, there you have it. I predict GIRL!

What say you? Do you have a guess?

world weary

We don't watch much news. We have no cable and there are always children around and they are not allowed to watch the news because the news, in my opinion, isn't for kids. Kids, up to a certain age, can't understand that the video on TV happened once and is being shown again and again to recap the story. We subscribe to the newspaper. The actual one a person holds in their hands and flips tangible pages. We share the interesting stories of the day in that way since our intention is not to shelter them from news and reality, but rather to shelter them from brutality and things their minds are not ready for.

That is the long way to say that I am not following the Boston bombing story as the story breaks minute by minute. I watch the news at night and catch up with the latest while the kids have reading hour. But today, in spite of seeing the news in tidbits, I realized that it is wearing on me. I am tired of this world. Its anger and misplaced sense of righteousness and willingness to play god with people's lives, whether it be to further a cause or to feel big and strong or for some other reason beyond my realm of understanding. I physically ache from the weight of the world.

I realize that sounds dramatic. It is dramatic.

Today I came to the conclusion that it is an absolute blessing that this incident wears on me so much. Because this is an anomoly. Here in the United States, we do not shut down transit systems. We do not have armored vehicles driving through our towns. We do not have bombings and door to door manhunts. We just don't. Thank goodness.

There are parts of the world where this is normal. Buses explode. There is war in the streets. Children lose limbs and lives. Husbands bury their wives and mothers hold their babies as they die on the street.

Can you imagine how that must wear on a person? How that weight must feel on their shoulders and in their soul. The uncertainty that comes with day to day living. Do they even realize that the ache they feel is fear amidst chaos or is it just such a mundane piece of their lives that they expect it?

Because of my Christian faith, I believe there is so much more than this world has to offer. I believe in heaven. I believe in God. But I am not content in waiting for heaven. The Lord's Prayer says, "Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven." On earth. Here. Now.

We should be living in harmony with each other here. We should be loving each other as Jesus taught us here. We should be building each other up, rather than tearing them down, here. Regardless of race, religion, gender, political affiliation, class, sexuality, or any other thing that we use to separate one person or group from another. I want that so badly for our world. I want that so badly for my children. I just want that so very badly. Thus, the ache.

I know there are many, countless, innumerable examples of selflessness and love. But today I am weary.

hate. love.

I'm a runner. I've only been running for three years, but it has quickly become a huge part of my identity. So yesterday's bombings at the Boston Marathon stung.
Stings.
Will continue to sting.
The misplaced anger and blind hatred that must fuel an attack like that. An attack on helpless bystanders and elite athletes. A cowardly, hate-filled, senseless attack. An attack that killed and maimed and injured, resulting in horrific physical wounds and unimaginable psychological wounds.

There is just too much hate. Too much violence. Too much anger. Too much.

And that just breaks my heart. It breaks my heart that nothing is safe. Nowhere is safe. Not a college campus or an elementary school or a movie theater or a finish line.

And it gets overwhelming, all of this wondering what is wrong with the world and what do we tell our kids and how can we possibly make any sort of sense of this insanity.

And it feels dark. Dark in my heart and dark in my mind and dark in my soul. Because once again, like 9/11 and Columbine and Sandy Hook and Virginia Tech, it is just too much.

And that is the hate.

But this is the love.

I think of all the people who heard the explosion and ran toward it because their love-filled, giving hearts told them to help.

I think of the runners who finished the race thinking they had left everyone on the race course, then went to the hospital to give blood.

I think of the first responders, police officers, fire fighters, and bystanders who stepped up in big and small ways.

I think of this conversation I had with Elliot at bedtime tonight. We were talking about our favorite part of the day and Elliot said his was hugging and kissing me. Then he showered me with hugs and kisses and more hugs and kisses. This kid is a snuggle bunny from way back in the day. Then he said, "I still have 100 loves left." I asked him what he was going to do with them. He thought about it for a minute and said, "Give them to you." He gave me many, many more hugs and kisses. He said, "Now I have 2,000. Now I have 2,000,000." He paused to give me more hugs and kisses and then he said something that stopped me in my tracks. I mean, I was already struck dumb by this kid's overwhelming love, but this really got me. He said, "Here's the problem. The more love I give, the more I have inside. Because love never ends, right? Even when I die I'll take it with me, right?"

And that is the love. Right there. That is the love.

again with the weather

I have nothing good to say about the weather. There are no redeeming qualities, no twinkling sunny day in the 7-day forecast. Nothing. Nada. Nothing. Have I made myself clear? If not, here's a photograph that sums it up perfectly.

Yep.

Today it was snowing like crazy. Those huge, intoxicating snowflakes that look so stunning in any month from November to March. After that, they just make a person angry. Then as we were driving home from church it switched to raining ice pellets in the blink of an eye. That went on for a few hours and then, just as quickly, it switched to a nice hard rain. Combined with the wind. And the 32 degree weather. Wow, can't believe they canceled the Twins game that was scheduled for today in our outdoor stadium. (That's sarcasm, ya'll.)

The kids are I were driving home from "spring" musical rehearsal through the driving rain and I was silently cursing the weather. From my warm car with my heated seats that I was driving to my heated garage that is conveniently attached to my warm, insulated home.

Isaac said, "I feel really sad for all of the people who don't have homes right now."

Cripes. Point taken, 9-year-old.

We volunteered with Family Promise at church this week. We share a meal with families experiencing homelessness and then stay and play games, shoot hoops, do crafts, and just visit and have fun. My kids love it. There's almost always someone their age to play with. Which is fun for them, but also really, really stinks because no kid, no one should have to move from church to church every week. No kid, no one should worry about where they'll sleep or how they'll eat or if the kids at school will find out they don't have a home. It's just too much. Too much for a kid. Too much for anyone.

We pray for those families and pray we won't see them again next time our church hosts Family Promise because if they aren't there, it means they've found housing. It thrills us when we get to meet new families because it means the program is working and the families from last time are in a more stable situation.

So, the weather stinks. Really, really a lot. But, as I watch the ice coat our window screens, I'm actually okay with it because of that perfectly timed lesson from the 9-year-old in the house.

22 weeks pregnant. . . say what??!!

Again the child photographer and the post-run DeNae, add some clenched fists and called it a day

the belly in all of its glory

the covered up belly

How far along: 22 weeks

Total weight gain: find out at my next appt. May 1

Maternity clothes?: No. Getting close to needing shirts

Stretch marks?: No.

Sleep:  Much improved.

Best moment of the week: More frequent and much stronger baby movement. Jim loves that, too. Feeling all lovey on my kids. It's been a great week, in spite of snow and cold that won't go away.

Miss anything: No complaints.

Movement: Yes; it's awesome.

Cravings: Still veggie wraps. Grapes. Licorice. Luckily we don't keep any in the house or I'd be hopped up on licorice all the time.

Anything make you queasy or sick: Nope. Yeah!

How are you feeling overall: Bigger, but great.

Have you started to show: Baggy sweatshirts hide the bump. In regular clothes people that don't know I'm pregnant can't tell I'm pregnant, but people that know me can usually tell now.
Gender: Tentatively, maybe thinking girl, but I think that's just because we only have girl names picked out.

Labor signs: Nope.

Looking forward to: spring. Spring sports, spring running. Getting some maternity shirts. Audrey's appointment on Tuesday to get updated information on her leg.

Saying goodbye. And thank you.

A few weeks ago we said goodbye to my Grandma B. Edna Josephine Bergland lived 96 years and died quietly after a short illness. I was blessed to know my great-grandma for 35 years and my kids were lucky enough to have a great-great grandma for 9, 6, and 4 years. Not many people are loved by so many generations and have so much living history within their family.

Saying goodbye is always sad. We will miss the person who passed away. It hit Isaac the hardest. He said things like, "It will be so sad to go to family celebrations and not see here there." We talked a lot about all of our memories and how we will remember Grandma B every time we make lefse or play scrabble. Her memory will live on in countless ways because she touched so many lives. Her funeral was packed with children, grandchildren, great-, and great-great grandchildren. None of our lives would be if it weren't for Grandma B. She was our matriarch, our history, our link to a past we can't even imagine, the start of all of us.

She loved sweets, scrabble, having her hair done, and writing notes. She wasn't perfect. She was human and she was ours and she was loved. And we miss her.

When I went to say goodbye to her for the last time before the casket was closed, I was struck by the legacy she has left behind.
I said goodbye.
And I said thank you.
Thank you for raising my grandma, who is about my favorite person on the planet. Then Grandma Fischer raised my mom, who obviously rocks my socks off. Then there's me and I have the great, magnificent fortune to raise Audrey. I see some of Grandma B in all of us. And I am so thankful for her love and for being the start of a long line of strong women. And I hope she looked back on her long life and knew unequivocally how she'd touched so many of us. And I hope to look back one day and feel like I continued her legacy with my life and my parenting and grandparenting.

Goodbye, Grandma B. And thank you.

Five generations of women at Audrey's tea party

Meeting baby Isaac for the first time

home sweet home

Going on vacation without children is wonderful. The anticipation of time away. The relaxing. The sleeping in and not being on call or on any sort of schedule. The time to connect as a couple. Uninterrupted conversations. We hadn't had a trip away in ages so Jim and I were really excited about it and we had a great time. (When I wasn't sick.)

Now we're home. Coming home from vacation to your children is wonderful. The hugs. The kisses. The stories of adventures they had. The early morning snuggles and laughter around the breakfast table.

Going on vacation without children is wonderful. Coming home to three awesome kids, feeling rejuvenated and rested, is even better!

Audrey watch, 2013

April 1 was a day Audrey had built up in her mind for a long time. Five weeks, to be exact, which is a long time in the life of a casted little girl. Our biggest hope, aside from a relatively stress-free visit for Audrey, was that she would be ready for a short cast. The nurse pulled up the x-ray from April 1 next to the x-ray from February and Audrey said, "It doesn't look that different." She was right. That's when I knew a short cast wasn't in her immediate future.

The doctor came in and explained that there wasn't enough new bone growth for a short cast, but that she could transition to a long, weight-bearing, walking cast. Her new cast still goes up to the top of her thigh, but she no longer needs to be carried everywhere or in a wheelchair. This is a huge blessing. She is thrilled with a renewed sense of independence and uses her walker to make her way all around the house. She has even started practicing walking without the walker, so she'll be running laps in no time.


rocking her new green and striped cast and her walker

She will be in this cast for two weeks, at which time she will be re-x-rayed and should switch to a short cast, ending just below her knee. The doctor said she should be in that for an additional four weeks. Spending at least 12 weeks in a cast is not what we expected, but Audrey is in great spirits and we will do whatever it takes to get her back to 100%.

prayers of thanksgiving about her walking cast

Watching her walk again yesterday was so wonderful. Jim and I both cried as she gained confidence and started making her way around the kitchen. It was like watching her first steps all over again. She was so proud and her smile continues to shine brightly, in spite of some hiccups along the way.