method actress

I can't speak for four-year-old girls in general, but our four-year-old girl in particular is trying out for the role of 12-year-old sassy drama queen complete with huffs, eye rolls, and "why are you even talking to me" looks. Her performance is drawing harsh criticism and poor marks from the other four people who live with her.

journey

The journey was fraught with uncertainty and trepidation from the very beginning. Had they packed enough supplies? Was their gear up to the job? Would they even have the strength and stamina to complete the journey?


Well, 2.3 miles later, Audrey is proud to announce that she did have the strength and stamina to complete her first bike ride around the big lake! Elliot loved stretching out all by his lonesome in the bike trailer and Isaac waited patiently at every intersection as we completed the world’s slowest 2.3 mile bike ride. It didn’t help that she started out the trek too nervous to bike up and down the sidewalk ramps and instead had to get off of her bike, walk it across the street, and hop back on once she was back on the sidewalk. But, whoo hoo, by the end of the bike ride, she was brave enough to go right up and down the ramp all by herself, even exclaiming, “This is sooo fun!”

It may have been slow, but she did it and she never asked to stop or said that her legs were getting tired. Way to go, Audrey! You're such a big girl!

file this in the better late than never category

One week ago we celebrated Father's Day. It was an easy celebration because this dada, this man I was smart enough to marry, this man who gave me three amazing children, who understands why the floor isn't always swept and the windows haven't been washed, is worth celebrating.

It was his day and fun was had by all. He worked until 1 am on Saturday/Sunday, so he really deserved to sleep in. We finally woke him up with yum-yum coffee cake, watermelon, and lemonade in bed at around 9:15. This is sleeping in of an epic proportion in our house where we live and breathe the motto: "The early bird gets the worm."

He unwrapped his new shorts and shirt and a Shutterfly book I made chronicling his life as a dada. I brought the kids back downstairs so he could eat and read in peace and then we hit the frisbee golf course. It wasn't his best game since he lost a frisbee, (and I won, not that anyone was keeping score!) but we all had a fantastic time!

After lunch and naps we went to a local ice cream shop that has the best ice cream and then took advantage of the perfect weather by filling up the pool and running through the sprinklers. Not a bad afternoon at all.

I made pizza subs and sweet potato fries for dinner, although he did man the grill for a bit since we really didn't want to turn the oven on on such a warm day since then we would have had to turn on the A/C and who wants to do that on a perfect June afternoon?

It was a great day for all of us and I love that this is how my husband, my baby daddy, wants to spend his Father's Day. Chasing kids through the sprinkler, wiping ice cream off of chins, reading them stories before bed.

The last page of his Father's Day book reads:
And here it is Father's Day and we're celebrating birthdays left and right and days slip through our fingers as we wonder where the time went. We've never been to Disney, or Duluth for that matter, but we've made millions of little moments count in really big ways. You are the man I would have dreamed to marry if 'd dared believe it was possible and you are the father that our sons will aspire to be and our daughter will hope to marry. So, even as I marvel them, I marvel you and the man, husband, and father you are.

Every word of it is true. Just in case you ever wonder.

tonight

I rocked my one-year-old for the last time.

It's a what?

Two years ago I was pretty sure I was never having my baby. I had been having contractions and feeling lots of pressure since about 35 weeks, so I was sure I'd go early. Jim was sure I'd go early. Then I hit 38 weeks. Then 39. Then 40. At about that time I resigned myself to the fact that I'd be the first woman to never have her baby since my body felt less ready at 40 weeks than it had at 36. Go figure!

My due date of June 23 rolled around and I was scheduled for my 40 week appointment. I was on my way when my midwife's nurse called to say the she couldn't make my appointment because another woman went into labor. How insulting! To go into labor on my due date. I hauled myself and my two kids back home and went for a nice long bike ride to the park. If I wasn't having a baby I might as well have a little fun! I was feeling fine, like regular DeNae with a honking big belly, so we continued with our regularly scheduled program.

waiting for baby with a trip to the zoo

and a trip to the beach

The next few days went on as usual with a 2- and 4-year-old. I'm sure we played outside a lot, read a lot of books, went to the park, and sang silly songs as I got used to the fact that I'd never give them a sibling since it was stuck in my belly. I had my rescheduled midwife appointment on the 25th and we scheduled an ultrasound for later in the week to check fluids and all that jazz. I was excited about the ultrasound because it meant I'd get another chance to see the baby. That excitement died in about 2.6 seconds once I realized the obvious: that if I just had the kid I'd see him/her (but, really, we all knew it was a her!) in real life. I also had a chiropractor appointment where he did THE adjustment that he said put 80% of his patients who were past their due date into labor within 24 hours.

Isaac and Audrey's labors started in the middle of the night and I was really hoping and assuming that trend would continue since Isaac freaks out if other people, particularly people he loves as much as me, are in pain. Alas, that was not meant to be. I woke up on the 26th feeling a little weird, but not clearly in labor. I was having intermittent contractions, but I had been for weeks so that was nothing to write home about. Isaac was feeling particularly feisty that day, as if he sensed the new order coming to his world. I finally got them ready and we headed to Isaac's soccer at Eastside Park, a park that will be forever special to me because at 11 am that morning I thought maybe, just maybe, this might really be labor! It was only a 45 minute soccer practice, but a lot can change in 45 minutes!

When we got there my contractions were so intermittent that I couldn't even really time them, but by them time soccer ended, I had called my midwife and my hubby because they were close to 5 minutes apart and I could barely talk through them. Audrey and I just walked around (I'm a walking laboring woman, if given a choice) as I handed Isaac his water and wondered if this was really it and tried to pay attention to anything that was going on with my other children while the one in my body was making such a racket! Jim met me at the soccer field and I realized that women in labor really do lose their minds because I lost my keys twice in the span of about 4 minutes. Then, for some reason, we decided that I, the laboring woman, would drive our two children home while Jim followed us. I still didn't really believe I was in labor since this was the baby who would grow old in my womb so it seemed like a silly inconvenience to leave our car at the soccer field. Maybe having to pull over during contractions should have clued me in, but I still didn't believe it. A cop car passed me as I was in the shoulder with my hazards on as I waited for the contraction to pass and I was so glad he didn't stop to see what was going on.

We got home and I started to think about getting the kids lunch and wondered if we should call anyone to take care of them if we had to go to the hospital. Jim wasn't too keen on waiting around given my history of fairly speedy deliveries. At this point my mom called and Jim answered since I was having another contraction. She immediately knew something was up since Jim was home on a Thursday morning and told us to get ourselves to a hospital quickly since as I talked to her I had to pass the phone off again. OK, maybe she had a point. We hung up with her and started calling our on-call kid-watchers. One problem. We went 0-3 because none of them answered the phone. Now my contractions were getting closer together and I was starting to believe this could be the real deal and I couldn't get a hold of anyone. We planned on going to the hospital and having Jim wait in the waiting room with them until someone could pick them up.

Thankfully it didn't come to that because a friend called us back right away. We took one last picture of me with my two kiddos and one very noticeable bump in my shirt and brought them to my friend's house. I remember she asked me a question, but I couldn't answer because I was swaying through contractions on her front porch. She quickly sent me on my way because she knew first hand what happens if you don't get to the hospital in time. Her husband caught their 3rd child as she sat in the hall of the waiting room at their hospital!

Jim and I went on our merry way, listening to Baby Love's CD in the car. The contractions were obviously painful, but not nearly as intense as they were with Audrey. I remember being much calmer, able to breathe easier, less stressed overall, as if my body knew that things would be different this time. We sang to our baby and I remember crying, which seemed weird to me since I'd never cried while I was in labor with my other two. My emotions were heightened in a way I can't really explain and hadn't felt before and I just kept repeating that I couldn't wait to meet our baby. I was crying tears of excitement at what our new future held and this was the day that future would begin! My midwife asked if I wanted to meet her at the clinic so she could check me to make sure I was in labor and I hemmed and hawed because my recurring nightmare of them sending me home kicked in again, but Jim was the voice of reason and said we'd just meet her at the hospital. Have I mentioned I married a smart man?

We got to the hospital at 1:10 am. We stopped to pick up a muffin and an apple since I was hungry. It felt so good to walk and sway and walk and sway. We got some crazy looks and one offer of a wheel chair, but I was in a zone, doing what I needed to do to stay comfortable, relatively speaking, that is. Kathryn checked me and I was dilated to 4 1/2 centimeters and was definitely in labor. I went to my room to begin the amazing useless process of checking in. Again, I was pre-registered so why in the world did they have to ask me so many stupid questions about shots and my due date. Jim and I were annoyed, but we just laughed, kind of, and talked quietly with each other while she put our information into the computer.

The atmosphere with a midwife was so delightfully different than an OB. They monitored me for a bit, then I could walk around, get in the tub, sit on a ball, rock on a glider, whatever I needed to do. Time almost stood still at this point. It felt like every stage went on forever, but not in the bad way one might expect when talking about being in labor. I felt present and aware and in control the entire time and a calming, beautiful, tranquil sense of peace surrounded the whole situation. I sat with Jim for a while, then got into a big, warm tub. The baby calmed down as soon as I slid into the water. I laid there with my eyes closed, a cool cloth draped over my forehead, holding Jim's hands, totally ready for whatever happened next. Kathryn checked me once while I was in the tub and whispered to her assistant, "This baby is perfect." I didn't know what she meant at the time, but I smiled because I knew she was right.

All of a sudden I knew it was time to get out of the tub because I felt a big shift. I got out and went to lay down on the bed. My contractions started to get really close together and I started to get scared. My water still hadn't broken and I felt like I should push, but I think Audrey's delivery was still in my mind because I started to second guess myself. After some pushing I asked why my water hadn't broken. Kathryn said she could break it if I wanted to, but that it might speed things up a lot. I knew I didn't want that so Jim and I talked and decided to just follow my body's lead. I was feeling frustrated and out of control and I said, "Something needs to change." Kathryn suggested that I switch positions so I moved to a birthing stool. Picture a toilet seat without a bowl. Sounds romantic, huh? That made all of the difference in the world. It wasn't long before Kathryn told me it was time to catch my baby. I couldn't believe it. I put my hands down and gave a big push. There was so much pressure as I waited for another contraction. Ring of fire is definitely an appropriate description. I distinctly remember feeling one shoulder come out and then a big slip and then I had a baby in my arms. A baby in a bag of water. My water never broke, so the baby came right on out in what looked like an opaque balloon. Kathryn pulled the bag over his head and we finally heard that first struggle of a cry.

I looked down at this perfect baby and we oohed and aahed the beautiful baby and the beautiful birth and finally a nurse said, "It's a boy." I looked down and, sure enough, it was a boy. We absolutely could not believe it, but we were so thrilled. All those months of expecting a daughter and a sister for Isaac and Audrey were replaced with dreams of raising our two sons and one daughter.

I held him, just the three of us, for a long time. They were giving me shots to stop the bleeding and doing whatever else seasoned professionals do to keep busy while two parents are falling madly in love with their newborn. We stared at him and wondered what this world held for him. What God had in mind for our family now that we had an Elliot James to complete our family. What joy and wonder and laughter he would bring to our family. If we would ever sleep again. What fun we would have watching our three children grow up together.

It was a perfect moment. I wish it could have lasted forever.

But, alas, there were phone calls to make and siblings to introduce and breastfeeding to do because, obviously, the boy wasn't planning on wasting away.

The next day I asked my midwife what she meant when she whispered that this baby was perfect. She said that he reacted absolutely perfectly to all of my contractions and any change in my body. He behaved exactly as you would hope a baby would.

That's the medical answer to my question. But I like to think that she was just sensing the perfect baby he would be for our family. The perfect son he would be to his parents. The perfect brother he would be to his siblings. I know he isn't perfect; none of us are. But he is perfect to us and it was obvious even before he was born.

meeting his big brother and sister for the first time

the five of us!

Elliot James
june 26, 2008
2:53 pm
7 pounds 14 ounces

21 inches long

ready for his big car trip home

Isaac held his hand the whole way

Happy 2nd Brithday, Elliot!

Your hand in mine is a perfect fit.

We love you every little bit!

the three musketeers

the smile that melts our hearts

Good morning!

I just finished playing catch with Elliot. He was wearing two sets of shimmering beads and using a magic wand as a glove. What a way to start the morning!

the best of both worlds!

A late addition to the wacky world of sports, Isaac is making up for lost time. Girl's high school lacrosse as exciting to read about, and memorize stats about, as Major League Baseball. He is rarely without a ball, bat, helmet, biking gloves, or sports book.

first foray into rock climbing

trying to shut them down

nice save!

b-ball at the park

hockey in the driveway

surfing at the water park

but then there's the other side of Isaac. The other morning Audrey and Elliot were off to Caribou with nana and I asked Isaac what CD he wanted to listen to while we baked. He picked the Nutcracker, donned his baseball helmet (for the fight scene, you know. A guy's gotta be prepared!), and spun and leaped and twirled and sashayed to the bold, tender, beautiful music of Tchaikovsky.

showing off his new helmet

no camera can capture his nutcracker spins!

That's my boy!

news flash

I haven't mentioned this here before, but Elliot's belly button obsession has been replaced by his nipple obsession. He is often found with a hand down his shirt rubbing his nipple. It's hilarious, unless you factor in that all of his shirts have unusually large neck holes.
He has his first mosquito bite on his leg. He was rubbing the bite at snack time when he said, "I have a nipple on my leg. It itches." Isaac, Audrey, and I almost died laughing!

big things happen in the wee hours of the morning

Say what you will about my early risers (Lord knows I've voiced my fair share of complaints over the years), but early mornings are the most beautiful time of the day. Today I got back from my run just in time to hear Elliot chatting away about this and that. (side note: Do you know how early a person has to wake up to get a workout in before my crew of early risers wake up? It is not pretty!) I quietly went in so I could listen in on the important monologue that starts his morning. I always wonder how he decides what he'll talk to himself about. Today he was talking about "ow" and birds and morning. Hmm, guess he hears the same raucous bunch of red-winged blackbirds that greet Jim and me each morning.

The rest of the house was still snoozing away, so I grabbed a few books and we went out on the porch. The sun was shining, there was a slight breeze, and the birds sound glorious if you're not trying to sleep. We read books about wild flowers and gardens. We talked about the cedar waxwing eating the berries off of our trees. We speculated about the origin of the sprinkler sounds and what birds were making tweeting and chirping out of our sight. We sat quietly and greeted the morning. It was the perfect start to a beautiful day and I am so glad I got to share it with my Elliot belliot woo woo! Just in case you ever wonder!

contrast

Happy 4th Birthday!

Now that our week of birthday/tea party craziness is over, I've been thinking more about his whole 4-year-old business and thinking back to those first moments when we welcomed Audrey into this world. The contrast of it all continues to strike me. Her delivery was really scary to me, particularly since I'm never really sick and her pregnancy was textbook. I expected a perfect, textbook delivery and, while it could have been a thousand times worse in a million different ways, it was still a very scary, uncertain, helpless 10 minutes from when the doctor broke my water until I got to hold my new daughter.

I remember the panic I felt after she was born as I looked around the room for answers, but just saw people huddled around my baby.

I remember the slight relief I felt when Jim looked over to me from Audrey's side and said, "She's fine."

But nothing could fully calm me until I had my daughter in my arms. "Give her to me. I need her." Once she was in my arms, I could breathe again. Once I felt her warm skin against mine. Once I counted her fingers and toes and smoothed her gorgeous, dark brown hair and kissed her cute little pug nose and caressed her luscious round cheekers and gazed into her wise, blue eyes, I could breathe again. The world was ours and ours alone as I met my daughter.

I can't tell you a single thing about the next few minutes, except that my healthy daughter was in my arms. Except that a surprise of a baby girl was just exactly what I'd been waiting my whole life for and I'd never felt God's all-knowing plan for my life so strongly. I sang to her and told her how I loved her long before I met her, but I just couldn't have known how much I'd love her until that very moment. I told her about the family that was very impatiently waiting for her. I told her I loved her. Hundreds of times, in fact. Such simple words. I love you. But spoken from a mama to her new baby, they take on a new meaning.

Those simple words mean even more today than they did all these four years ago. Then I loved you because you were my daughter, created by your dad and me, given as a precious gift from God, protected and sheltered by my body for nine months. Now I love you because of who you are. Sassy. Charismatic. Dramatic. Loving. Hilarious. Joyful. Shy. Outgoing. Brave. Tentative. Bright. Caring. Life-giving. Audrey Shea.

Audrey's first picture. Getting suctioned by the nurses

our first picture together. Right where we're supposed to be!

four years later, and still right where we're supposed to be.

Snuggling after all of the hoopla of the birthday parties.

Can this last forever? Please?

Sometimes, if the games of chase are particularly rambunctious or the basketball game is particularly fierce or the slide climbing is particularly fast or the soccer kicking is particularly far or the birthday partying is particularly rowdy, I get really lucky and my sweet baby falls asleep in my arms as I sing him his lullabies. Oh how I love it. And every time it happens, I wonder when my luck will end. I try really hard not to because I'm just so happy to be snuggling the snuggliest in a long line of snugglers, but the thought at least crosses my mind. When will this baby who isn't really a baby but will always be my baby outgrow my arms?

So, I hold him for a few extra minutes and breathe in his little boy scent and recall the days I rocked an itty bitty baby in the same glider and breathed in his milky breath, new baby scent and wished those moments could last forever, too. I loved him then and I love him now, just as I'll love him in two more years when today's moments are just another memory we've added to our life together. Just in case you ever wonder.

Joe Cool

Elliot hit the sport motherload at his 2nd Birthday party last week, but don't worry, he's still only one and, yes, I'm in full-blown denial! But, he got balls and sports clothes and sports dishes and sports suitcases. It was a great day to be an Elliot!

He was thrilled to receive a Joe Mauer t-shirt and Twins pjs. He wore the pjs for the first time tonight and I'll just say I'm glad he wears a diaper because he may have piddled from the excitement of it all. I had just put the shirt over his head when he started wiggling and grinning and said, "I cool," something he's never said before. When I got him fully pjed up he kept looking at his shirt and smiling like crazy. He said, "I will go show Audrey." He walked into the bathroom and said, "Audrey. . .," in a very expectant voice, like she'd better know what he was trying to show her. She knew right away and complimented him, to which he replied, "I look cool!" I picked him up so he could look in the mirror and he just stared at himself for a while before saying, "I wearing a Joe Mauer jersey." The boy was just so happy. And just so cute!

not the best picture, but he could not stop wiggling and dancing since he's just so cool!

I guess I shouldn't have been surprised since he has been known to answer the door looking like this:

saying things like, "I'm Joe Mauer!"

P.S. Thanks, grandma and grandpa. You made his night!

"The whole day was really wonderful for me."

After giving it a lot of quiet and contemplative thought, that was Audrey's response when I asked her her favorite part of the day on Saturday (the 5th). "The whole day was really wonderful for me."

You see, Saturday was Audrey's day. We hosted her 2nd Annual Grandma's Tea and it was attended by grandmas far and near, but mostly really far! There was a great-great-grandma, a great-grandma, a nana, a grandma, another grandma, an aunt, a mama, and an Audrey.

Perfectly situated smack dab in the middle of two brothers and born to a mama who is definitely not girly, Audrey needed her own day. Since she is 2 years and 2 weeks older than her little brother and we have family scattered all over the U.S., they'll always share a family birthday party. So, the tea party is Audrey's day to be surrounded by all of the women in her family, dress up, do crafts, take lots of pictures, and be the center of attention.

So, it's easy to see why the whole day was really wonderful for Audrey and I'm so glad it was because that is exactly why we started this tradition last year. It is a day for making memories and celebrating generations of family. It is a day for laughter and stories. It is a day for Audrey. Just in case you ever wonder.

Audrey with her many grandmas

Audrey with her Aunt Hollin

My lovely daughter, so excited to see her mama in a skirt.

She kept petting me saying how much she loooooved what I was wearing.

Audrey with Grandma Patti and Hollin

with Grandma van

with Grandma Fischer

with nana

with Great-great Grandma B

Five generations of women.

Not many families have five generations anymore, so we count our blessings everytime we're together!