costa rica

Some people have asked that I use the blog to share some thoughts and reflections on my trip. I wrote in a journal while I was gone and will transfer some of those to the blog as well as write my way through the flurry of activity currently and deeply entrenched in my overwhelmed head and my overburdened heart.

But what I'm working on today and will continue to work on in the coming days is finding the fine line between feeling everything to the core of me so that I spend the entire day in tears at the injustice of it all and still being affected and inspired enough to make change in my life and battle for a better world in the name of a God who asked that His will be done on earth and in heaven.

one week

 One week ago

 I was sitting under this tree, burying my toes in this sand

 with these new friends, Gabriela, Cristian, and Genesis as I overlooked this river, the Sarapiqui.

I walked the rutted gravel lane from the main road to the worship area grappling to hold the sticky hands of five beautiful children as I tried to read the words and sing along to beautiful spanish hymns asking the Lord for justice for little children so they don't have to work like men, help for women so they are not marginalized, rights for immigrants so their lives can count for something.

I was moved by a sermon in a language I struggle to understand about Jesus calling people at the water while they work, asking them to give their lives to Him. Telling them it would not be easy, that it would bring pain, but that it would bring glory to Him. That it was necessary. That it would save lives. And though I didn't catch all of the words, I felt that sermon, I felt the closeness of the earth, I felt God's breath on my ear, in ways I haven't experienced before.

I listened as the pastor asked what was keeping us from hearing God's voice clearly and heard people from my congregation say that the need for more stuff, the need to work harder, buy more, live up to the expectations of others kept them too busy and preoccupied to hear God. And I heard people from the Chilamate congregation say that not having anything, working hard all day with nothing to show for it, feeling like they don't matter, feeling stuck in hunger and joblessness made it hard for them to hear God. And I choked on the ridiculousness of it.
I shared communion, a whole tortilla dipped in something that tasted like watered down strawberry jam, with new friends from the U.S. and new friends from Costa Rica. I hugged each one of them as though I'd known them forever because somehow I have.

After the service, I felt the tug of little children as they pulled me farther down the river to show me how they act like monos (monkeys). They clambered up the trees, hung like monkeys, and jumped into the cool, refreshing water, coming up for gulps of air with smiles on their faces to match the brilliance of the hot January sun.

One week ago.

Today I am

 rough-housing with my little man

 zerberting him to kingdom come,

 getting tackled by my sweet boy,

 and catching up on nine days of missed snuggles.

 Cuddling my biggest boy who couldn't resist rubbing my back or playing with my hair every time he got within ten feet of me today, feeling the change in temperature as I think about open windows and sandals, but experience sledding and snowboarding and quiet, lilting snowflakes on the shoulder of my warm woolens.

 Getting Audrey up from nap to feel her weight situated just so in my arms, her head fitting just so on my shoulder.

Seeing a house full of clutter due to a very busy hubby and telling him that I don't care if the whole place had burned down while I was gone because the only thing I needed to come home to were the four people that spent all day in my arms.
Just in case you ever wonder.

The bible according to Elliot

This kid has a  mind like a trap.
"Why did the outside army want to take over Costa Rica?"
"Why did Theseus battle the minotaur? What if they called it the meanotaur since it's mean?"
"Why did that guy burn the house in the forest after they tried to take over Costa Rica?"
And numerous other questions that take a while for us to translate because his ideas are bigger than his 2 1/2 year old mouth can handle.
Here's his take on Saul's conversion.
We went to the Science museum today and got on the subject of Paul. I can't remember the context, but all of a sudden Elliot was busting out with the story of Saul. It was nuts. I tried to recreate it on video tonight.

Audrey's prayer

"God, You will take care of mama while she is in Costa Rica. Amen."
Followed by a big hug and lots of kisses!

drat, foiled again

It was a beautiful thing. Elliot was sleeping until 6 each morning. He did this for at least one month. Six a.m. has never felt so amazing in my life! I decided I would take that opportunity to reclaim one hour for myself. I began setting my alarm for 5 to have a half an hour to read the bible and a half an hour to work out. I didn't even mind that most people consider that hour the middle of the night.

It worked two or three times. In spite of my cat-like stealthiness, (seriously, I am silent coming out of our room) two days into my plan he began waking up at about 5:08. So, I get up, am just getting into my chapter and then I hear a rousing rendition of Angels we have heard on high coming loud and proud over the monitor. I ignore him for as long as possible, but you can only let a kid sing to his heart's content so long before you worry about the rest of the house hearing him and we cannot have everyone up at that hour. It's enough to make a person nuts. So, do I set the alarm and get up on the off chance that I actually get my hour of reflection and sweat or do I just sleep until the human alarm clock wakes me up?

Annoying as that is, Elliot says the sweetest things. He loves Christmas lights. He is lucky he has such a smart dada because when we built our house Jim had the builders put a switch in our hall closet that is connected to the plug in near our roof. So, if Elliot wants the Christmas lights on he just flips the switch. Although it is January 13, he still wants them on most days and we don't notice they're on until it gets dark. Well, he forgot to turn them on yesterday. We drove home last night and as we turned the corner onto our road he got a glimpse of our house and said, "It's not beautiful." He sounded so sad that the lights weren't on. That boys heart is even bigger than his smile! Just in case you ever wonder!

what learning looks like

A glimpse of our Wednesday morning.

Isaac and I were working on creative writing and a bit of history downstairs when I realized things upstairs had been unusually quiet for quite some time. Parents know that when kids are too loud or too quiet, they'd better check on them, and fast, because someone will be crying soon or you'll have marker on your wall soon.  I went up to check on Elliot and Audrey and walked in on this adorable scene. We were busy with school downstairs, but there was some serious schooling going on upstairs, too.

Audrey read to Elliot, Grace, and Grace

We're studying life in early Crete for history this week. The minoans told a story about their king, King Minos involving a labyrinth, a minotaur (half bull, half man), Ariadne, and an Athenian prince named Theseus. Here we're building the labyrinth. Once we make it nice and tricky, we hide the minotaur (a lego cat) in the middle and Theseus (a lego guy) finds his way to the middle, pushing an imaginary ball of string so he can find his way back out.

 They reconfigured the labyrinth over and over again. You haven't lived until you've heard a two-year-old shout, "Did theseus find the minotaur yet?"

We're doing a mini-lesson on money since Isaac is between Alpha and Beta in his math curriculum and I didn't want to get into it and then leave for my trip. We read a few money books, made a money poster, and played some money guessing games. i.e. I'm worth 5 cents, what am I called? The best part of the lesson comes at lunch time. I've been making menus for lunch and Isaac and Audrey have to decide what they'll eat, then raid their piggy bank for the appropriate coins. Isaac has it down pat, Audrey gets some help from a big brother or a parent, and anyone under 3 eats for free so Elliot's good.

This afternoon we picked up my nephew and hit the sledding hill near his house. Don't worry, nana, pictures are coming soon.

my boys

There are days I wonder if I'm the only person who has left dry laundry in the dryer for days on end. Or, for that matter, forgets I have wet clothes in the washing machine. There are days I scan the kitchen as I leave the house and wonder if I'm the only person who would leave with the house in such a state. There are days I walk behind Isaac on the way to co-op and wonder if I'm the only one who forgets to brush kid hair. Or my hair, for that matter.

Oh well. I guess I'll have to decline the next time Good Housekeeping asks to do a photo shoot at my house. Thankfully I'm consoled by the smiles and hugs of these sweet boys and the little girl I posted about last night.

he loves his new towel from Santa!

they always ask to wear their jerseys on the same day

picture taken at about 7:10 am. He declared himself "the mascot." What a ferocious ladybug mascot!

let it be known

Jim and I had a moment when Isaac was four, Audrey was two, and Elliot was itty bitty. Realizing that we had two in the pike who would someday be four, I verbalized what we'd both been thinking. "Four year olds are jerks." I actually said something a bit less delicate, but you get the drift. Terrible twos? an absolute breeze! Trying threes? No problem! But four? Whoo!

True to form, Audrey lost her mind when she turned four. She pushed every button, responded with sass to the simplest of requests. Of course she had her sweet, fun moments, but she was a bit of a cranky pants.

I am happy to report that cheerful, sweet Audrey has re-entered the building. Of course, she's human, so she tests boundaries now and again and tries to drive her brothers bonkers from time to time, but her general personality has been restored, reclaimed from the depths of four-year-old crankiness.

One more four-year-old in the pike. Perhaps he'll break the trend. We can hope, right!

sunday snapshot

There was some football watching, some birthday invitation crafting, some pizza making, and some singing. All in all, a wonderful Sunday afternoon.

This is always their favorite part: watching dada throw the pizza up in the air!

When Christmas toys collide

Elliot and Isaac were playing Baseball Guys one morning (big surprise!) when they had to take a break for breakfast. Isaac finished playing while Elliot washed his hands. Imagine Elliot's surprise when he returned to his game and saw Mary and Joseph in right field. "What are Mary and Joseph doing with Joe Mauer?," he asked. Isaac replied, "They purchased the stadium for 6 million 346 thousand dollars. They found the pirate's treasure chest."

radical

Something has been stirring within for me a few years. It usually happens when we're driving and I see enormous, luxury vehicles filled with lots of stuff speeding towards grand houses in spacious suburbs. Those houses are also filled with lots of stuff. Electronic gadgets, every type of ball one could imagine, enough clothes to keep a small village warm, every size mixing bowl along with a whisk, hand mixer, and food processor, one full fridge with an extra in the garage, Legos and Polly Pockets and Little People. Don't get me wrong, I'm right there with "them" on nearly all counts. But, I've thought many times, and even said out loud on a few occasions, "This can't be what God had in mind."

This can't be what God had in mind because it is common knowledge that we will never, ever have enough stuff to sate our appetite. People, me included, buy a bigger house and think they'll never want for anything now that they have the house for which they'd been pining. But then they realize that their furniture doesn't fit perfectly in the living room and two chairs around an end table would really look better than a couch. And white walls are really boring. But now that the walls are that gorgeous burnt orange color they really need some sort of wall hanging to accent them.

And if stuff made us happy then kids wouldn't ask for new toys two days after they devoured piles of presents that dwarf the Christmas tree. And we wouldn't want a new gadget 3 months after our latest and greatest, must have purchase

But stuff doesn't make us happy. And this isn't what God had in mind. I have thought it for a long time, but didn't get beyond the griping.

This past year has been a time of getting beyond the griping for me. The bible doesn't say "Seek ye first the kingdom of God" for nothing. It doesn't say sit in your car and complain while we clear things up for you. It doesn't say go ahead and whine about a problem that you're a part of. It says seek. To go in search of. To try to discover. To ask for.

And that's what I've been trying to do. It's awesome and scary and freeing and terrifying. It has left me feeling that we, as a family, are on the cusp of something new and big and important. I don't know just yet what that means specifically. I do have a better understanding of what God had in mind and it has nothing to do with stuff and a whole lot to do with sacrifice and love and giving when it's not comfortable and going where there is great need.  And that's awesome and scary and freeing and terrifying, too.

If I were brilliant and worldly and a master theologian, I would have written the books The Hole in Our Gospel by Richard Stearns and Radical by David Platt. But I'm not, so I read them and pray that the ways they change my heart will be evident. I read them and pray that my children will see the love of Christ in me, not only in how I treat them, but in how I talk about the neighbor down the street and how I show love to the neighbor in Costa Rica. I read them and pray that this fullness, this fire in my heart and in my soul would be used by God in radical ways. I read them and I pray.

thoughts

Costa Rica is coming up ridiculously fast. My mind is racing with all sorts of thoughts on the topic. I'm practicing Spanish, I'm having meetings to get kid activities together, I'm praying about everything involved, I'm crying over leaving my three little people, I'm thinking about the little and big people that I'll meet there, I'm praying more. My mind is full of Costa Rica thinking and it's pretty deep.
But today the kids and I drove to a meeting at church to finalize projects and crafts for the kids when a really happy thought ran through my head. It was such a happy thought that I quickly grabbed onto it before my mind could move on to more important matters, held it in my hand for a while, and smiled a huge smile.
I will not be in charge of feeding other people for 9 whole days. aaaahhhh!

baby grace update

Elliot's love of baby Grace is well documented. The other day Elliot wasn't feeling well and took a nap in the morning, but was feeling great by the time afternoon nap rolled around so he wasn't in the mood for snoozing. Quiet time is kind of sacred around here so I set him up in his bed with some books. He surprised me by asking if I could take baby Grace out of his crib. I said, "I thought you liked snuggling with baby Grace." He very seriously replied, "Baby Grace kicked me at naptime." I laughed and said that baby Grace didn't kick him. He was offended at my response and responded, "Yes. Baby Grace kicked my head while we were sleeping and I got a scratch." So, apparently she's in the doghouse!

cousins

Jim's sister and her family visited for a few days after Christmas. We don't see them nearly enough and never get to see them around Christmas, so it was a fantastic treat! The kids had a blast and the grown-ups did, too!

A tale of two Audreys

 This is the Audrey most of us know. Her personality bursts forth from her like a zinging arrow. She is always in on the action, always has one ear on the conversation, always has something to add, whether it be a silly joke, silly face, wise observation, or endearing remark. Her smile makes grown-ups tilt their head and smile their own small grin, maybe remembering a time when life, every little part of it, was easy and joyful and so darn fun.

This is the Audrey that most people can't believe exists. Here she's being silly, but there is a side of Audrey that is incredibly private and introverted. She has had the same sunday school teacher since last September and she still won't talk to her. She's been at her co-op since September and only responds quietly and quickly if someone asks her a specific question. Around new people, her eyes are almost always on the ground and her hand is almost always in mine. We are working on being polite. For example, she doesn't have to go up and talk to people, but if someone says hi or asks her a question, she should answer them. Then she can look back at the ground again. Baby steps. She explained it to me like this, "I just like talking to my friends and my family." Point taken.

Silly, serious, smiling, or frowning, we love our Audy-boo!

back to our regularly scheduled program

The cookies are eaten, thrown, or given away.
The visitors have traveled home.
Set naptimes and bedtimes are again part of our life after many free-for-all days.
School started up again today.
The tree is down. After we had all of the decorations off and it sat in our front room, making sure it dropped as many pointy needles as possible in one last desparate stand before we hauled it out to the front yard, Elliot stood right next to it, craned his head to look at the very top and said, "Our tree is sad." It did look sad without the lights and hoopla that turn a regular old tree, beautiful in the forest, but out of sorts in a living room, into a Christmas tree worth singing about.

But that tree will take lots of great memories to its wood chipped grave.

Stories about the best Christmas eve ever. (I really mean it this time!) A few weeks before Christmas we read the book "The Night Tree" by Eve Bunting. It's a sweet story about a family who bundles up each Christmas Eve night to go out and decorate a tree in the forest. They decorate it with popcorn and cranberry strings, nuts, fruit, and birdseed. They sit on a blanket and drink hot cocoa and each family member picks a Christmas carol to sing. Then, the next day while they're celebrating Christmas, they think about the birds and deer and raccoons enjoying their very own Christmas celebration.

Thus, a new tradition was born. Although we were out of cranberries so we used frozen rhubarb. And we don't have a thermos so we just brought Christmas cookies. Plus we went in the day and wore snow pants, so we could just plop down in snow. So, we tweaked some of the details, but just like in the story, our littlest kid picked "Old McDonald" as his Christmas carol.



audrey jumping off of the ENORMOUS pile of snow in the parking lot

stringing her popcorn and frozen rhubard on our tree

a little confused as to why we weren't eating the popcorn

posing in front of our newly decorated tree.

cookie time. Note to self, 2-year-old fingers, mittens, and cookies don't go together

enjoying the ride back to the car

Isaac would run and leap to grab on to the back of the sled. We were laughing so hard!



mama's workout for the day

 As you can see, our Christmas Eve morning was gorgeous. We headed home and got ready for church since Isaac sang at the 3:00 service. As we listened to christmas music wile driving home from church Isaac took a deep excited breath and burst out with, "Wouldn't it be awesome to go to heaven on Christmas? You could see Jesus on his birthday!" I instantly recoiled at the thought of my son going to heaven, every fiber of me turning away from that idea, and Audrey said, "But that means you'd be dead." Isaac said, "I know. But we could see Jesus." Then I really thought about it. He was right, even though I still shudder at the thought. What a way to celebrate Christmas, singing carols with the angels in heaven, meeting Jesus! The only sadness would be felt by those left on earth, but the joy in heaven would be boundless. The statements he makes never stop surprising me.

After a supper of chicken tortilla soup in the crockpot, we got the kids all pjed up and hit the road to look at Christmas lights. They think they're getting away with something by staying up a little late. We got home and carried them into their beds, sleepy, yet excited for the fun to come in the morning. What a day!

We had a wonderful break for Christmas, but we are also ready to get back into our routine. We're taking a few weeks to study Costa Rica, missionaries, and money, write Christmas thank-you notes, do some of the kids' new craft projects, and read lots and lots of books. All of the subjects will get covered, but we'll take a break from our regular curriculum to focus on what's going on at our house right now. Although Isaac and Audrey won't stand to miss history, so we did that first thing this morning.

Happy New Year!